As I traverse this new-again “Spiritual Path” (I really am not sure what to call it yet), I have come up against feeling left out/that people are talking about me/that people are ignoring me/MeMeMeMeMe.
So as these not-so-fun feelings are coming up, I am being given the “opportunity” (HA!) to explore where they came from and why I am hanging on to them. Interestingly, I have not cried about feeling “other”-ish, something I would have typically done before. Instead, I am looking at the feeling, from a little further back, and smiling… sometimes actually laughing at the humor of why I think so many people talk or think about me in their day-to-day lives… how absurd that really is.
That is not to say the feelings evaporate, but the nettle-sting of them is blunted considerably.
I like this a lot better than boo hoo-ing over feeling left out. With my Self, I am never left out!
One of the assignments this week was to find an enlightened person with whom we could do “eye-gazing.” This was new to me, so had to look it up.
Something magical happens during extended eye contact (also called eye gazing or soul gazing). This moment arises when we forget that there’s a “you” and a “me” and we become engulfed in an experience of unity. Personalities, gender, social class, beliefs etc all melt away. And we are left with this recognition of the other as purely a reflection of ourselves.
It took a couple of days for me to figure out into whose eyes I should gaze, but realized there really was only one for me: Ram Dass.
In 1978, when I was 17-years old, a dear family friend took me to see this guy, Ram Dass. I had no idea why, but she insisted I join her.
There were dozens of people there, patchouli reeking in the room (I have never liked the smell of patchouli) and lots of flowers in people’s hair and behind their ears. Hippies. Well, I have always loved tie-dye, so my eyes wandered around to look at the creative swirls and hearts of the tie dyed clothes around the room.
Enter Ram Dass
When Ram Dass walked in, I saw an old man… 46-years old. Now, of course, I know how incredibly young that is! Later, I would learn about agelessness.
Besides the “old man,” I was shocked by the glow of light around him! White light surrounded his body and his face was especially lit up with happiness and joy. I had never seen/met anyone who had this before. When I told my very enlightened friend, she looked at me and asked what colors were around the people around us. I started telling her, “purple, yellow… that one has red… that one has orange around everything but her arm which is dark blue.” Without any fanfare, she said, almost matter-of-factly, “Oh, you see auras.” I knew what an aura was, but did not realize everyone didn’t see them until that moment. When I was a midwife, I could see them well, but since I’ve retired, it is harder for me to decipher what surrounds people’s bodies. As might be expected, when I have surgery or am really sick, I can see them easily again. I believe it is in my relaxing into it, that they reappear.
I also see words coming out of people’s mouths. That is called Ticker-TapeSynesthesia. It was great when I learned about that, also thinking everyone saw words around people’s heads. For me, they are fluffy if they are kind words, flaming red if words of anger and hate, the words changing according to the person’s mood. It is easy to see when someone is being disingenuous and I use the floating words, not their oral words, to gauge truth or not.
Not terribly long ago, I learned that seeing auras is a form of Synesthesia as well. To me, it makes sense since I can see moods and intentions through auras, a form of speech to my “vision.”
The first time I demonstrated my Synesthesia was when I was 5-years old having my tonsils taken out. As the mask was lowered on my face, I tasted blue and said it out loud. The anesthesiologist just looked at me and then I was out. I can taste it still today. I do not taste in colors now, though… but some people do.
Be Here Now
Looking into Ram Dass’ eyes has brought these memories forward. Not very “Being Here Now,” I know. I am learning there are different states of “Now,” some of which live in the retelling of stories.
What stories take you back to the present?
Ram Dass Revisited
One last note about meeting Ram Dass. When I went up to meet him, shake his hand… well, have my hands held in his… he looked at me… into me. His white aura was transmitted to me and my own hands glowed with his. I can see his intense blue eyes still in my mind. He really was a magical being.