When A Writer Writes

It’s been three days with about nine hours’ worth of writing after a couple (plus) years not writing anything except required work writing.

Finding That Old Groove

It feels good to wake up excited to put my headphones on, Queen singing in my ears (and heart), and opening Scrivener, seeing my words. I love picking up where I left off the day before, noticing how many words I’ve added and grinning with happiness the words are advancing and not stagnant.

My typical process is to read everything I wrote two or three days earlier before beginning, but these past few days, I am reading the last line only and pressing on.

Finding a New Groove

I’m consciously, albeit with a great deal of discipline, not editing as I go along. That is one of the major obstacles to my writing – editing my words. I will spend twenty minutes in a Thesaurus trying to find the right word for a sentence.

I remind myself there will be time for that.

Just write.

When This Writer Writes

I feel whole.

I’ve written since I was 8-years old. I only stopped writing when someone read my journals or when I was shamed about what I was writing.

Now my journals are online and everyone can read them.

Fuck you all who shamed me and tied my hands. I’m kinky, but it has to be consensual. I no longer consent to you binding and gagging me.

To My Writing Companions

Write.

If you don’t write, it can be toxic enough to kill you. If not physically, then definitely your spirit.

If you have no privacy, write in the bathroom. If people are snooping, hide and lock your words.

Please just don’t keep them in.

Write with no expectation of being published or famous.

(Do you hear that, Barb? Are you listening?)

Just fucking write already.

Writing

Rabbit Hole: Track 13

For some odd reason, like I hear from several others, I fell down the YouTube rabbit hole. 

From the COVID Years, Back to Life

I was in a 2.5 year funk during the COVID years. Depression, fear, and anxiety is a more accurate description.

As I came out of this period of advanced mourning, I wondered why I had not worked on the four books I have had in the works for several years I was horrified when I looked back and saw the last time I’d put 10 words on the page.

Watching YouTube was not a conscious thing, but the rabbit hole led me to Queen.

Re-Fallen in Love With Queen

I have re-fallen in love with Queen… Freddie Mercury, Brian May, Roger Taylor, and John Deacon.

Queen
Roger Taylor, John Deacon, Freddie Mercury, Brian May

I first discovered them when I was 14 with A Night at the Opera and “Bohemian Rhapsody.” I danced around the living room with the speakers blasting as I acted out the song. I know every note’s rise and fall. I called BJ105 requesting it several times a day to make sure it was the number one requested song of that day. It was. For a lot of weeks.

I can sing “The Prophet’s Song” still. “You’re My Best Friend” was played whenever my group of girlfriends got together. Watching “Love of My Life” on YouTube transports me back to those teen years.

1978 Queen Concert

I was blessed to see Queen at Lakeland Civic Center on November 4, 1978 when I was 17-years old.

I remember a lot, but mostly I remember how the audience in the Arena stomp stomp clapped for at least 30 minutes before Queen even took the stage. I can feel the reverberations still, 44 years later. (The bleachers were made of wood back then so the stomping really kicked ass!)

But I did not know so much about the intricacies of the band and how their music was created. While I know a bit more now, I am still learning and they are freakin’ geniuses, including Dr. Brian May, an astrophysicist, who started towards his degree in 1971 and received it in 2007 at the age of 60.

Dr. Brian May
Dr. Brian May

Fascination Turns to Inspiration

So, in listening to Queen for a few weeks, watching interviews they have done, studied the 30-years-later thoughts and memories Brian May and Roger Taylor share (John Deacon retains his privacy… it has been said he took Freddie’s death quite hard), I am moved by their tenacity to continue performing in their 70s when they started singing together in the 70s!

Brian May Roger Taylor
Brian May & Roger Taylor

As I learned more, I wanted to know more and began listening to their albums, in order of their release. I have found real gems – Sheer Heart Attack and News of the World, for sure, and then others that didn’t resonate so much.

I replayed their Greatest Hits albums, too. I owned several as a teen/young adult, so I was traveling down familiar territory.

With each step I grew stronger, still not aware of my destination.

Queen Greatest Hits
I will confess that even back then, I had a major crush on Roger Taylor. It wasn’t until now that I realized how I was one of millions.

Then Finally Comes Made in Heaven

I came to the end of the discography list with Made in Heaven, the album that was released 4 years after Freddie’s death, culling together pieces-parts of lines, verses, singing-thoughts Freddie sang near the end of his life.

Queen Made in Heaven Sunrise
Queen: Made in Heaven Sunrise

Freddie said to his friends and bandmates, “Get me to sing anything, write me anything and I will sing it and I will leave you as much as I possibly can.” He knew and welcomed they would finish his work after he was gone.

How fucking powerful was his urge to perform even as he was so close to dying?

I got chills and a soaring inspiration from that artistic ethic.

I wanted to make it mine.

Queen Made in Heaven Sunset
Queen: Made in Heaven Sunset

Exquisite Music/Exquisite Ponderings

Excerpts from the song “Made in Heaven“:

“I’m taking my ride with destiny
Willing to play my part
Living with painful memories
Loving with all my heart”

“Made in heaven
I’m playing my role in history
Looking to find my goal
Taking in all this misery
But giving it all my soul”

Track 13

Track 13 is the 13th song on the album, but has no name, although some call it “Ascension.” It is formally known as “Track 13” or just “13.” Ascension comes from the image of Freddie rising to his greatest heights after death: Heaven, Nirvana, the Great Rock and Roll Band in the Sky.

Queen Track 13

Queen’s Meditation

I am used to meditating/pondering to Pink Floyd, but to Queen? Not so much. They do have wondrous lyrics to consider as one considers poetry or art, but for me, meditating is another art form altogether.

But Track 13 is amazing for meditation. 22:32 minutes long and only a few interjections by Freddie’s words: “Are you running?” and the last word, “Fab!”

“Are You Running?”

Freddie Mercury
Freddie Mercury

“Are you running?” might seem an odd thing to put in a meditative song, but it seems a directive to me. Am I running as fast as I can so I can get to the finish line accomplished and complete? Am I running as fast as I need to to complete at least one of these books before my demise?

The answers are no, but I am fixing that now.

Who Knew Queen Would Kickstart My Writing?

I never expected this outcome when I watched that first Disney World YouTube video. I berated myself for not writing and spending hours a day watching video after video. For weeks.

The choices winnowed their way down to Queen, pre- and post-Freddie Mercury. I love Brian May’s and Roger Taylor’s solo works, too. (If you have not listened, do so!)

I watched Bohemian Rhapsody a dozen times, squinting trying to see what was just out of my range of vision.

And then it clicked.

“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now!”

I wrote for a three hours yesterday and it was a joy. Made in Heaven and Track 13 on a loop played in the headphones, urging me on.

Every time Freddie said, “Fab!” I knew he was saying it to me. “Fabulous! Keep going!”

I woke up at 4am this morning, eager to get writing, putting the headphones on and tap, tap, tapping, hearing the stomp, stomp, clap of  “We Are the Champions.” I wrote for three hours again and feel the urge to write more after this post. 

I Will Rock Me

Of the hundreds of ways I’ve tried to get myself writing again, I am thrilled it was Queen that pushed me to get on it already. Goddess bless that Freddie Mercury with his endless desire to be heard and seen. I am soaking that up and spilling it out my fingers.

Watch out world!