Why I Use the Word “Cunt”

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As I begin writing about sex in this blog, you will see me using the word “cunt” much more often than “pussy,” or even vagina/vulva. It is similar to my reclaiming the word “Dyke” instead of lesbian.

A lesbian is a woman who has sexual and emotional relationships with other women. A Dyke is the same… but only more so.

As a midwife, I needed to use proper terminology… it was the professional thing to do. Using the words “vagina” and “vulva” as often as the words “the” and “May I touch?” The  vagina and vulva are two distinct areas of the woman’s anatomy. They are often used interchangeably, mainly by men, driving me bonkers. I correct them whenever the issue arises.

The Power of Words

Reclaiming (or Reappropriation) of words is culturally common, the words “nigger,” “fat, and “queer,” being but three examples.

Reappropriation of ethnic and sexual slurs starts as an act of bravado by a few of the oppressed, then may become an empowering mechanism for a much wider community. It’s pleasingly ironic that those discriminated against have learned the Orwellian trick employed by the state and the establishment of hijacking everyday language (as in ‘doublespeak’) for their own nefarious purposes. Alternative discourse ousts and replaces the discourses of power.”

Arguments abound about who can, without judgment, use these reclaimed words. Said in the wrong crowd, one could get someone yelling in their face to shut the fuck up.

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It is why I have reclaimed the word CUNT. To me, it is a woman’s genitals, only with more Power. Greater intensity. The cunt has explosive energy behind it. My cunt is in my control and only my control. As a rape survivor, any way I can grab and keep my body is awesome and a requirement for my emotional and physical safety. I give my cunt to the person/s of my choice; no one takes it from me without force.

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cunt images

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In Boys on the Side, Mary-Louise Parker’s character, talking with Whoopi Goldberg’s character, struggles with the word “Cunt.” This exchange, while long, is worth the giggle.

— I don’t call it anything. I just wasn’t brought up to talk about a person’s anatomy.
— That’s probably because you don’t have a word for it.
— That’s just ridiculous. I do, too. It just doesn’t often come up.
— Okay. What is this, below the belly button?
— I’m not gonna say ‘pussy’ if that’s what you’re after, okay, I hate that.
— Okay. So, what do you call it?
— Down there.
— Oh, come on! ‘Down there!’
— Well, ‘vagina’ seems so formal.
— But you make it sound like a basement!
— Okay. Honestly?
— Yeah.
— Fine. ‘Hoo-hoo’ or ‘cissy.’
— You’re kidding, right? A ‘hoo-hoo’ or a ‘cissy,’ what is that?
— Well, that’s what my mother called it. I had a ‘hoo-hoo’ or a ‘cissy’ and my brother had a ‘noodle’ or a ‘dingle.’
— And that’s what you still call it, huh?
— Well, it’s better than ‘pussy.’ Or ‘beaver.’ What’s that about? I never got that. Or worse…
— Worse? Did you say worse? Now, what could be worse? I have to hear you say it.
— Well, you know. I’m not gonna say it.
— Oh, come on! ‘C-U-N-T.’ Come on, please?
— I don’t think so.
— Please? It’ll free you. Try it!
— There’s a policeman within the sound of my voice.
— Give him a thrill.
— I don’t think so.
— I’m gonna wet you.
— No! You’re such a baby!
— Okay. Come on.
— All right. (whispered) ‘Cunt.’
— What? What was that?
— I said it!
— No, you breathed it! I want to hear you say it.
— All right! All right. All right. ‘C-U-N-T, cunt.’
— Yeah?
— ‘Cunt.’ ‘Cunt.’ ‘CUNT!’

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How about you?

Oddities & Ongoings

Oddities & Ongoings

I am nearly immobilized by the events happening right now. 45 is trying to kill us all. Just because he is at the end of his life and has a good bunker to hide in doesn’t mean the rest of us should have to die for his ego. I have horrible thoughts I wish I could purge, but they come unbidden sometimes. That man is evil. Just pure evil.

(And people felt this way about Obama?!? He never came close to killing us, much less in the first 3 months of office.)

Kinky Exam Room

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Is this an exam “table” or what?!

Work is slow for me which is frustrating considering I am still in the hole from the manic donations to Syria relief. I have been writing some really good pieces for my work blog, but one of my best, about Medical Fetishes, was pulled because I used forbidden words (pee, shit, toilet, bathroom). Sheesh, I just wrote about peeing in a cup at the doctor’s office! But work is very PG13 and even though it wasn’t golden showers related, it was yanked. Now I am lost about how to continue the series.

I want to write just basic: This is the exam table with stirrups, This is how an enema works, This is the speculum, This is the gown, This is the syringe… you get the gist. All regular normal things that loads of folks fetishize. Having been a midwife for so long… and being twisted… I am able to make each of those topics highly sexualized and fetishized.

Only twice as a care provider did I think anything sexual about women in my charge. One was Zack when he was pregnant and laboring; we became lovers soon after. Then there was another woman I had a sexually visceral reaction with (she felt it, too) and I removed myself from her direct care and became her doula. We never acted on the feelings, but they were most certainly there.

Feminist Porn

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Life with my cub is delicious and fun. He is amazing… is having some psych issues, but I’ve been able to nudge him into therapy and that will, I know, help lots. It has to be an enormous challenge being Muslim and kinky. And that’s just the off-work life!

Things between him and me, however, are in a self-sustaining/maintaining place. Just a delight being with him, talking to him, having sex with him. So so much fun! And I just realized, because he told his therapist, that I am TWICE HIS AGE! Fuck, I am old. We’ve been together for almost 18 months and I just figured this out?! (Where have I been?!)

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I don’t think I told you, but I found a Feminist Porn site! We’d been looking for one for quite a while because standard porn is a big ol’ yawn to me. Fake fake fake and just weird what with the girls wearing stilettos to bed and tromping around the pool in heels and giving the stupidest blow-jobs ever.

Googling “Feminist Porn” brings up several for-pay sites and someday, I hope to be able to use them, but Syria has the bulk of my money at the moment so finding a free Feminist Porn site was quite the coup!

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Bellesa (https://bellesa.co/ – NOT .com) has culled free porn from several free sites, including PornHub which is one of the largest regular porn sites out there, but have screened the videos before bringing them to Bellesa. Even so, some of the screened ones don’t make my cut.

I cannot abide by women faking pleasure. They squeak like mice and no matter what position they are in, they act like they are having a clitoral blast. Can you see me rolling my eyes? I’ve been screening the videos before my cub and I watch together (today I had him screen) and any squallering garners a thumbs down from me. (I keep a Word Document with the names of the videos I like and don’t like, besides the Star rating system on Bellesa.)

I will not watch a video if anyone has bruises that are not explained in the scene. I love kinky bruises as much as anyone else, but unexplained ones, especially if they look like they were made by hurting someone without their permission, squicks me.

I am not 100% sure, but would probably not watch one that had the girls in shoes on the bed. That is just so fake and ridiculous. Fuck, you’ll rip the sheets!

Hamilton

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I am still obsessed with Hamilton: An American Musical. I listen to the music 15+ hours a day sometimes. I love the Hamilton Mixtape, too, but right now am on a continuous loop of the original cast album. If you’ve not yet discovered the music, do yourself an enormous favor and immerse your Self, too.

Because of the musical, my cub and I read the original book, Hamilton, by Ron Chernow. It was amazing, too. After we finished that, we read Washington: A Life, also by Chernow. I actually loved Washington even more than Hamilton. I had no idea George Washington was as incredible as he was. Chernow brought him to life.

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I loved American History in junior high school, considered being a History teacher at one time, but then just lost interest over the years. Hamilton has reopened the passion I once had for American History! While I think Chernow is a fantastic researcher, his other books don’t really interest me. So, my cub and I have moved on to Lincoln, jumping right into the center of it all with Lincoln: Team of Rivals. We’ll be starting it later this week.

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Okay, time to sign off of here. My cub and I have a date to watch the 3 porn videos he found for us to watch together. Woo hoo!

I do have to laugh a little at his saying how much more discerning he is with porn now, which is amusing because he’s watched it for about 18 years now. Hey, if I can convert a regular porn user to feminist porn, my day is complete!

Rebirth

On Saturday, July 3, 2004 at 2:44 am, I published my first blog post ever. Entitled “Stumbling Along,” it was the beginning of a (so far) 12-year long blog, Navelgazing Midwife. My first line shares an emotion I experienced many times over the years:

… and it is so scary sometimes.

Where I Was

When I was active in birth work, I had to tiptoe through a hundred (thousand?) landmines, withholding my feelings too many times, wanting to write my beliefs years before I finally did in 2008 in the post, “Midwifery Education (Lite),” the version of an incredibly edited “Midwifery Education” that I stupidly deleted because I was terrorized by the higher-ups in the midwifery community and I feared for my license.

Rightly so.

That post came back to haunt me in 2010 when I was unceremoniously ejected from my midwifery community in San Diego, California. It took awhile, but they succeeded in ending my midwifery career (and gads, do I hate even admitting they had control over it!), sending me back into doula and monitrice work, which I did until I left San Diego on December 20, 2014.

Where I Am

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The story on why I left San Diego will be told here, along with what I am doing today. Looking back, it’s shocking how many changes have occurred in such a short time! From midwife to sex worker; married lesbian in San Diego, California to happily single dyke in Orlando, Florida. It’s easy to see there’re a whole lot of words needed to fill in those gaps.

I’m not going to censor as much as I did in my midwifery blog. I have nothing to hide anymore.(Well, except for the privacy of my work clients, but I think you’ll understand that, right?) My kids have been asking me for years to write my stories, that posterity thing and all. Amusingly, I have a lot of them to share, too.

Not Stumbling Anymore

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And so I take my first step here with you today. I am very excited to have changed my name, Navelgazing Midwife, something that is pretty well-known (Google it!), to the Navelgazing Writer. It’s so exciting to be on this adventure… and am thrilled you are here with me as…

…I begin.