I went out the other day, in Uber, riding with my mask and gloves, all the windows open, the 1-mile to the pharmacy drive-through and then the 1-mile back home.
It had been 9 weeks and 5 days since I had gone beyond the front and back porches. It was really scary, but it was a short trip.
I have an appointment today to see the Infectious Disease doctor, a required in-person visit for my chronic yeast infections and intertrigo ( a new word for me).
But, I am terrified to go. I will not have a car to sit in while I wait for their calling me into a room. I will have to sit in the waiting room. With a flimsy face mask and gloves. How will I really be protected?
An aside, how the holy hell can anyone think a mask and gloves is enough to protect a first responder/doctor/nurse/respiratory technician/etc. is beyond me.
Riding a Bike
When I had the gastric bypass in 2001 and lost a million pounds, Zack and I got bikes to ride. He for exercise for me… me for fun. When I got on the bike, I reached for my seat belt.
Of course that was ridiculous, but it was a habit and whenever I was riding, I felt totally exposed and like I could lose my life at any moment.
This feels like that.
Where is My Armor?
I want to be inside a bubble of protection. Not a metaphorical one, but a real one.
If I knew where to get one of these, I would.
And Another Appointment, Too
I have a Dermatologist appointment on Friday. I don’t know if I can go to that one either. It has been 6 months since my last cancer check. I felt like why bother when, if I had it, they wouldn’t do surgery on me anyway during the pandemic, but now that they are starting to do “elective” surgeries again (as if cancer surgery is elective), I would have to have it removed.
I Can’t Do It
Writing this, I am so filled with anxiety, I have cried throughout.
I cannot possibly be alone feeling this, can I?