I wrote a blog post back in April 2022 about my ongoing desire to “find my tribe” of writers with whom to talk as I’m writing In the Bushes. That blog post is here: Censored Out of NaNoWriMo Forum.
I have since tried half a dozen other writing groups I found on the Net, some that required payment to join. When I asked if they would take me, half didn’t answer and the other half said, “No, too triggering.”
I’m really beginning to hate the word “triggering. It’s triggering me!
When to Share -and when not to share
I am not sharing any writing samples unless asked. (And I have not been asked until a couple of days ago.) I rarely share anything of the actual writing because I know it can be a lot to take. But when I do send out inquiries looking for people who might also have similar experiences, were around during those times pre-AIDS, people who were in the gay community then, I get nothing. I want to be clear in what I am looking for, not ambiguous, or worse, not truthful. I want to find people, not beta readers, not people to read to without familiarity, but people who were there and I can build trust with before we read to and with each other. While I am not looking for beta readers at the moment, I will need a couple/few in the future. Beta readers often come from writing groups, so that is a long-term goal.
Here’s part of the request I have sent out to folks:
“I’m keeping the vernacular of the time, hence wanting to talk to others who were in the discos – the glory holes, the bath houses, etc. – during those years. I was a fag hag who lived with groups of gay men, so was privy to their sexual lives. While graphic sex isn’t the driving factor of what I’m writing, it is definitely the undercurrent throughout. (And I am not wanting to have sexual discussions here!)”
Yeah, it’s a tad expressive, but I feel I need to explain what might be to come when talking about the book. I don’t want what happened today to happen with others (read below).
Mid-Thoughts
I have read the previous section a dozen times and think I need to revise my explanation to add what I said about getting to know people and garnering trust before sharing any writing or reading to each other.
I don’t understand why this is so difficult. I cannot possibly be the only person who remembers these times. Sadly, many have died, but not everyone I don’t think. And where are the women like me who were there? I was not the only fag hag at the bars. Where are they now?
NaNoWriMo 2022
I thought I’d found a nice group with whom to hang out. I barely shared what I was writing even though some others wrote detailed examples of their work. Without going into details, even though there are many, I privately opened up to a member that I was looking for people who understood my writing to hang out with. She explained my dilemma (without reading any of my work) to a discussion group and they had ideas for me to find my tribe, ideas I had already done and continue to do. In the interim, I shared a piece of my work that had sex in it, but it was a mild section to explain why I was having a hard time finding people to share with. Not share the work, but to share my experiences until trust was had, then share work. (Why does this have to be explained? I don’t understand. What am I saying wrong?)
While she was eloquent in her comments back to me, they included allusions such as, “Are you trying to shock people? Change people’s minds? Make it easier for kids to talk about sexuality?” (Who the fuck brought KIDS into this?)
Then the comment: “It’s basically porn.”
It Is Not Porn!
Porn has a legal definition as well as a societal one.
Legal: n. pictures and/or writings of sexual activity intended solely to excite lascivious feelings of a particularly blatant and aberrational kind, such as acts involving children, animals, orgies, and all types of sexual intercourse.
Societal: Pornography refers to material dealing with sex designed to arouse its readers or viewers. Webster’s Dictionary defines “pornography” as “writings, pictures, etc. intended primarily to arouse sexual desire.”
I have looked at this legally, to see if I am describing illegal activities beyond public sex and I am not. I was also reminded that sex with underaged people (and by underage, I am talking 17-years old) and adults happen in books and movies all the time. While much of what I am describing comes from real events, it is all cloaked in novel (fiction) form so those who were there or had those experiences will not be outed or feel endangered. Everyone is a composite.
Not the Last Time
This was the first time what I’m writing was called porn, which is probably why my head exploded. It will, most assuredly, not be the last. I am forewarned and forearmed.
In the original NaNoWriMo post I mentioned above, I closed the email with:
“This reminds me of the 1978 book called Faggots by Larry Kramer (I encourage you to look it up) when the gay community went berserk with his disclosing what they wanted to keep hidden. I can relate!
“Instead of feeling thwarted, I am empowered to move forward faster.
“Thanks for the sword!”
Navelgazing Writer 