I have been gifted a scholarship to a 7-week course in Initiations and in beginning, I realized I have not focused on my own spirituality in 30 years. My children were young and I don’t know if I just atheist-ized completely or what happened. During that time I was considering converting to Judaism, but there was very little spirituality for me there, mostly songs and prayers that did not resonate like I had hoped. I gave it the college try for a decade (or more), but it just was not the right fit.
Disney+ came out with the movie Soul a few weeks ago and I have watched it many times already. The gist is what makes a person a person… or a soul in a person?
Without any spoilers, you know it has to end with beautiful reflections and realizations of what Life is all about.
And COVID-19 is still uppermost in my mind, my worrying about dying nearly every day. I was in the hospital for a couple of days last week and have 2 weeks to watch for symptoms, making me hyper-crazy worrying about every cough or shallow intake of breath.
Convergence
The convergence of all of these at once has opened the possibility for me to find spirituality again.
In my life, I have searched, prayed, tried several religions, gone to decades of therapy, carried crystals, burnt sage, carried a “medicine bag” (before I realized it was cultural appropriation) danced under the moon naked, meditated for many years (to create Mindfulness and pain relief) and an endless line of trying to find The Answer. Remembering it all, I see why I abandoned it; there really was no answer outside of me.
That really must sound ridiculous to those of you who knew this all along and I wonder if I ever knew this myself… I distinctly remember telling others, especially when it came to birth work… but did I believe it? Did it have anything to do with me?
What Do I Have?
What am I going to find? Will I discover something I did not know before? Or will I be birthing new parts of myself instead. How have I been so stagnant for so long? Why has the mystery and glory of childbirth gone from my heart and memory? How do I reclaim joyful inner beings and bring them outward? Why is it when I am so near death that I finally am thinking about living? How can an atheist embrace the wonders of spirituality without creating a Deity?
I look forward to figuring this out.
Navelgazing Writer 
The power of asking the right questions is so juicy. I love how you ask “how do I reclaim joyful inner beings and bring them outward?”
When we ask powerful questions, spirit or the universe will always give us an answer (if we give enough space and listen)
I just wrote some questions on my board this week… one that I think applies here is…. “what are my lessons from this experience?” As we turn the corner, awakening to new perspectives and awareness, the past always holds GOLD and perhaps your present moment unfolding has a beautiful gift for you as you rise up into your whole self even more than ever before.
I’m a believer that we’re always waking up to a bigger point of view and everything we go through is to serve us. Plus, we need that contrast to begin really appreciating where we are now!
I wonder statements are fun too…for example “I wonder what it will be like to reclaim my spirituality? ”
I’m so excited and happy for your unfolding and reclaiming. There is something exquisite waiting on the other side of this work.
You’re doing it. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
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You brought tears to my eyes! YOU are the teacher of this old student and your gifts have, quite clearly, changed my life… again! Thank you for your insights. I will read and re-read your comment again to be able to absorb it fully. Bless you, dear woman.
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