May 1, 2020 was a much brighter day.
Spilling My Words
I just think I needed to get the fears out there and that took a lot of the energy out of the feelings.
Clearly, sharing helps. I need to remember that.
The feelings build slowly, then get more distressing until I am feeling that train heading closer and closer. I feel like I am going to fall under the train, then write here and suddenly feel immense relief.
Not Being Alone
I know I am not alone in all this distress. That helps in some ways and makes me feel so sad in others. I wish I could take the pain from those that hurt, too, but my shield of protection is tight around me right now. Selfishly, it is me first at the moment.
I had my intake with the new counselor whatever day it was ago and she said she has 2 groups she also wants me in. You know you are on the downside when you are being recommended for several days a week of therapy. I look forward to it. I need some guidance and while I have done every kind of post-mental hospital support groups, it never hurts to have some reminders and maybe learn new skills.
The groups will be online and I look forward to seeing how they do them. Zoom? Some other way? Should be interesting.