I took a 45 min nap and slept really well. I have been taking calls and I don’t feel like I am screaming loudly or talking too fast… what is this? Is this the trip down?
As I said, I haven’t had a manic episode since 1998 and was nearly psychotic then. Not sure if I have been this time… suspect it will be determined in retrospect.
I took another nap, but just saw my first hallucination of the day.
I can feel the productivity waning.
I Googled Bipolar Mania Cycle to read what might be happening, but stopped because I think I would rather write and read after the fact instead of anticipating or reacting to something I’ve seen on some Psychology site. So I closed the tab.
My Inner Nautilus
I have this thing about the Nautilus.
When in therapy, it is a common analogy to use the onion to describe the process of “peeling away layers” of experiences and feelings that one comes across over the months & years (and decades!). I find the onion too tearful and have chosen instead the nautilus.
Inside the nautilus are chambers.
A newly hatched nautilus begins life with about four chambers and develops an average of 30 chambers by adulthood.
Humans do that chamber-growth sorta thing, too.
I find the analogy much more appropriate than a stinky onion.
As I write, I can feel myself feeling more and more weird. The hallucinations are increasing. Shadows… the bugs are beginning (visually)… nothing tactile or auditory yet, but those are coming. I can feel the aura like I did last night.
I want to cry.
It was such a nice day, too.