Mania: Momentary Respite?

10/2/16, 3:42pm

I took a 45 min nap and slept really well. I have been taking calls and I don’t feel like I am screaming loudly or talking too fast… what is this? Is this the trip down?

As I said, I haven’t had a manic episode since 1998 and was nearly psychotic then. Not sure if I have been this time… suspect it will be determined in retrospect.

10/2/16, 6:16pm

I took another nap, but just saw my first hallucination of the day.

sigh

I can feel the productivity waning.

I Googled Bipolar Mania Cycle to read what might be happening, but stopped because I think I would rather write and read after the fact instead of anticipating or reacting to something I’ve seen on some Psychology site. So I closed the tab.

My Inner Nautilus

I have this thing about the Nautilus.

When in therapy, it is a common analogy to use the onion to describe the process of “peeling away layers” of experiences and feelings that one comes across over the months & years (and decades!). I find the onion too tearful and have chosen instead the nautilus.

Inside the nautilus are chambers.

A newly hatched nautilus begins life with about four chambers and develops an average of 30 chambers by adulthood.

Humans do that chamber-growth sorta thing, too.

I find the analogy much more appropriate than a stinky onion.

10/2/16, 6:43pm

As I write, I can feel myself feeling more and more weird. The hallucinations are increasing. Shadows… the bugs are beginning (visually)… nothing tactile or auditory yet, but those are coming. I can feel the aura like I did last night.

I want to cry.

It was such a nice day, too.