I took a 45 min nap and slept really well. I have been taking calls and I don’t feel like I am screaming loudly or talking too fast… what is this? Is this the trip down?
As I said, I haven’t had a manic episode since 1998 and was nearly psychotic then. Not sure if I have been this time… suspect it will be determined in retrospect.
I took another nap, but just saw my first hallucination of the day.
I can feel the productivity waning.
I Googled Bipolar Mania Cycle to read what might be happening, but stopped because I think I would rather write and read after the fact instead of anticipating or reacting to something I’ve seen on some Psychology site. So I closed the tab.
My Inner Nautilus
I have this thing about the Nautilus.
When in therapy, it is a common analogy to use the onion to describe the process of “peeling away layers” of experiences and feelings that one comes across over the months & years (and decades!). I find the onion too tearful and have chosen instead the nautilus.
Inside the nautilus are chambers.
A newly hatched nautilus begins life with about four chambers and develops an average of 30 chambers by adulthood.
Humans do that chamber-growth sorta thing, too.
I find the analogy much more appropriate than a stinky onion.
As I write, I can feel myself feeling more and more weird. The hallucinations are increasing. Shadows… the bugs are beginning (visually)… nothing tactile or auditory yet, but those are coming. I can feel the aura like I did last night.
I want to cry.
It was such a nice day, too.
5 thoughts on “Mania: Momentary Respite?”
I don’t really have any words, but please consider this a supportive comment. May it be what you need.
No words can thank you for taking the time to comment. It means so much you are listening to this rambling craziness. Thank you so very much.
Hi…Can you please credit my Nautilus Shell and make the image a clickable link to here: http://fineartamerica.com/featured/colorful-nautilus-shell-by-sharon-cummings-sharon-cummings.html If not, please remove it. Thank you.
Oh! THANK YOU!
I am more than glad to attribute it to you, Sharon! I am so happy you reached out to let me know it is yours. As a writer and photographer, attributes are crucial in keeping my own integrity and karma intact.
Thank you for allowing me to use it. Your work is exquisite!
Done! Thank you again for reaching out. It means so much that you care for your hard work and beauty that you photograph.