I have quietly sat on the sidelines, watching the world pass me by, feeling like a really old cranky woman.
Scarily, I can relate to some of the dotard supporters.
I wonder if being Politically Correct has not gone too far. Way too far.
Crazy Making!
Some of the things that make me shake my head in bafflement:
- the ever-morphing gender names
- the ease with which to transition
- kids medically and surgically transitioning
- how one can “be” a she/her in the morning, a they at lunchtime and a he/him by sunset… and how anger feels justified if someone misgenders the person
- how people quash free speech in the angry alt-right
- how stupid the president is… and no one is stopping the crazy-making behaviors before he kills all of us
- how easily people lie (myself included)
- how men really are led around by their cocks (blame my sex work job for that one)
- how transwomen insist they were not acculturated into the male world growing up and insist on crashing women-only spaces
- how people lobby to make Disney characters gay or lesbian
- how the word “fat” is the nastiest epithet someone can call another person
- how the more I know about Islam, the less I respect it
- how “christians” in the US have become the most hateful people on earth (so much for cultivating new christians through love and kindness)
- how stupid people can be not understanding kneeling for the National Anthem – they are purposefully being angry just to annoy those of us who believe Black Lives Matter
- how a “snowflake” is now an epithet instead of a lovely geometric design
- how “The Wall” is quietly being built and people just sit and watch
- how Flint, MI still doesn’t have clean water (that legacy is going to haunt us for eons)
- how Puerto Rico is being treated like shit because they are brown people and how Americans bloody well know it and don’t care in the least
- That In the Heights in Australia was shamed into not being performed amidst accusations of whitewashing when they did their best to fill the actor slots with People of Color
I was tempted to defend myself (I use PC terms when I can, I am not prejudiced against these folks, etc.), but I am leaving this piece to speak for itself.
Thank Stephen King’s On Writing: A Memoir for the Craft for this vomiting of things I have been too afraid to say out loud. He tells writers to “Be brave!” and write the things that are the most difficult to say.
So I did.
(And yes, I feel shame.)
Navelgazing Writer 
I can see many sides of the transgender childhood thing. I my kids seem pretty cis but I have ways allowed them space to figure out who they are. (Seriously though people brought attention to the fact I took my infant son to a Sunday dinner with ruffles on his butt because he had no clean pants and his sisters too small pants were right here.) So how free are they really allowed to be when I am the only one allowing it? Not very. My girls have felt the crushing social weight of being a girl since they were young. I think I would rather be too lenient in the situation than have my children feel the pain that some of my friends have gone through hiding themselves. Honestly transgender issues is where I question my beliefs the most. Transgender students in sports I think is where I have the most problems with. Where is the fairness? Is there any fairness? If a freshman who just started hormones can compete and beat girls who have been running track for their whole high school careers is it fair? Is it fair to make this transgender girl, to not compete?
I understand wanting to squash the free speech of people who want you dead. Is it free if it hateful? Or does it have costs paid in blood? Beyond just being frustrated about having to deal with racism with white people who believe their live in a post racial society, you have our president calling people who want you dead “very fine people.” It is an insult. It is disgusting. So I can see why people have the backlash towards that as they have. Up until the end 2016 America has moved forward in civil rights. Now we are moving backwards fast. For millennials who grew up in this constant state of progress it is hard to swallow. (Not so much me, I received my intro to racist America badge for being told my mixed child was an abomination when she was 3 months old and should go to hell.) We only read about race riots in books. (When we try to tell our parents what really happened they tell us we are wrong. “I saw those black people on TV I know what they are capable of.” “All lives matter.” In response to me saying people of color “I am a person of color too.” No you Lily white privileged old woman sit down. Sit down.)
Our president is an incompetent narcissist who I think is in the early stages of dementia. The shit thing is even IF he were impeached (the house GOP don’t seem willing as long as they get to pass their Christian nonsense), or if the cabinet did anything, we have would a president who thinks that you can shock the gay away. Hillary might have been a horrible woman to those who accused Bill. But for her scandals, which are apparently more important than skill here in this country. She was without a doubt the most qualified person to make it to the last stage on the interview process in history. She knew what the job entailed. We wouldn’t have heard “I am working harder than I ever had before, believe me.” She has been on the world stage and knows how international relations work. Also the generation of individuals in the white house need a serious workshop on Cyber security. Between her emails and this administrations phones… It is clearly an issue. Moving right along 🙂
I find it incredibly frustrating that libtard and snowflake has become the end of a debate or discussion. Grown ass people are calling each other names, because they can, just because someone isn’t in your face, because they ran out of things to debate their point of view. “Idiot snowflakes don’t understand anything.” “Libtards believing everything they hear.” It is disgusting and gross. This era of fake news has allowed us to live in alternate bubbles where facts don’t matter. It is gross and scary.
The things that saddens me the most is that people really do seem just full of apathy towards our whole situation. Like most of the country just doesn’t give a shit about Flint. They don’t really care Puerto Rico had their asses handed to them in a hurricane. They just don’t. They don’t think of them as Americans and they don’t care if they rot. I am screaming into a Facebook void, trying to engage people in real life, and no one cares.y GOP rep sends me generic letters basically saying that this is what is best for our country. I have been emailing the Democratic party in my area asking WTF do I do to help us win the freaking midterms and have gotten no response. Which doesn’t surprise me. The Democratic party right now is weak. We have no message other than “look we aren’t those people.” That isn’t enough! I am not even a democrat but we don’t really have a decent socialist party in the US… Those who do care are telling me my experiences are negated because they don’t fit into their world narrative. Part of me thinks it is time to get off the keyboard and meet face to face. But the other worries what will happen when people take their anger with them. I have friends posting just to unfriend her because she voted for Trump than wanting to engage in dialogue.
Basically I think everyone is frustrated. Either our country needs to evolve and change or we will be headed towards a civil war. Usually when individuals are talking about who counts as people and how much equality those individuals get it doesn’t end well.
Also, I love this chapter of your writing, more than your birth writing. Not that it was bad. I loved that too. You were one of the few voices saying that the natural birth community wasn’t just roses. I just like reading about your life I guess. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows.
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I am in shock, Carol… your words are… amazing… perfect. Wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing your really intricate and intense thoughts. (And who are you?! Email me!) I am glad my life writing doesn’t bore you. *soft smile*
I agree with you about the sports, didn’t remember it when I was writing, but you are correct, how fair *is* it to have (for lack of a better term) “Bio-Male”/transwoman competing against ciswomen? I am not nearly as medically or psychologically schooled to answer the biological issues… am glad there are others who can… but instinctively (which can always be wrong, of course), it just seems like apples and oranges.
I just got back from therapy where my therapist and I renewed our dedication to acceptance that we are going to die under this dotard. We do what we can, but finding acceptance is the best I can do for my mental wellness. Underneath the calm exterior is a terrified, screaming woman who feels helpless and lost. I never knew that someone not physically attacking me could cause this reaction Violated in all aspects… still, that’s not strong enough of a word. Is there one?
I think the most painful part of the entire dotard experience is there are humans around us… neighbors… family… that have such black hearts and no semblances of a soul. How can these hollow ghosts wander the earth and cause so much pain and suffering? And they think *we* are the vile ones. How? Because we care about people? Our lives? Our land? Our country? Others around the world? Not dying? What kind of brain disturbance turns it all upside down? Seeing evil as good, dark as right. It’s maddening… and terribly, terribly sad.
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Let it all out I say. Better out than in 🙏🏼
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I dipped a toe in. Let’s see how far it goes!
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